"Imagining" written by Devin Gackle, August 2017

Moving on with life is a confusing thing.

Sometimes it all happens so fast you wonder if it's real, or if you're imagining it all. How do you know you've made the right decisions? Is it too good to be true? How do you know your brain isn't playing tricks on you?

You thought you wanted something, but now you're not so sure - you're not used to getting something you want or feeling good about a decision. You're feeling happy about your life, but you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or maybe even a piano.

You don't want to get your hopes up too much for fear of being disappointed later on.

When life begins to move at a pace we're not accustomed to, it's our instinct to question if it's really happening. When we try new things, and feel new things, and meet new people or reconnect with someone, sometimes it can be overwhelming, so we look for signs. We want to be sure it's real, and true, and ours.

Sometimes we overthink it, or worry we're doing something wrong. We question the change.

Is it right?

But constantly questioning your choices and your feelings is a sad way to live; trust me, I know this firsthand. I think maybe we spend too much time questioning, and not enough doing, or experiencing. Consider this song the other shoe, giving you a little tap on the head.

If life is changing on you or you're making changes, and you like the way it's going, embrace it. Enjoy it. If you want it to be real, make it real.

It's okay to let go of the familiarity of grief and grab on to something new. It's okay to be happy and content, no matter what anyone else thinks of your life changes. And if you're not happy, that's okay too; it might be time to work on finding what does make you happy.

For me, healing has been a long process. I wrote this song because of all the things I'm discovering about myself - and because I've realized the healing is wrapping up, and I'll be a different person once it is. A stronger person.

This new, stronger version of me has ideas; the old version of me is afraid of what new me is capable of. I'm trying not to let my brain get too far ahead of what's realistic, but I also know that not does something have to change, but it it will.

There are so many ways to be alive. So live your life.

Lyrics:

I've heard it said that only time will tell

But I want to know how it's gonna work out

This inbetween is killing me

And I want to know, am I happy now

Am I imagining all of these feelings

I'm trying not to build it up in my mind

But I'm tired of imagining 'cause I'm done with grieving

And I want it to be real this time

I've heard it told that beginnings come from endings

But I want to know where I should start

I'm finding out that I'm done healing

And I want to know, was that the hardest part

Am I imagining all of these feelings

I'm trying not to build it up in my mind

But I'm tired of imagining 'cause I'm done with grieving

And I want it to be real

How do I let go

When pain is all I have to remind me I'm still alive

How do I know

I'm ready for a change to remind me

There's other ways to be alive

To be alive

Am I imagining all of these feelings

I'm trying not to build it up in my mind

But I'm tired of imagining 'cause I'm done with grieving

And I want it to be real this time

I've heard it said that only time will tell

So I have to believe it's gonna work out